The Pursuit of Happiness


When the Arkansas Democrat Gazette sails into the yard in the morning, I know it’s just bad news on the doorstep. In trepidation, I read the letters to the editor on the opinion page, and wonder how some of the writers managed to slip an arm out of their straight jackets long enough to hold a pen. If delusion were gold these folks would all live in Fort Knox.

Yes, I am well aware that most of my readers – I think the usually delusional editorial writer Mike Masterson calls us “valued” readers – believe I belong in a straight jacket. That makes me sad. On the other hand, recent polling reports that the vast majority of Carroll County residents are adamantly opposed to teaching Arabic numerals in our public schools. So, yeah, I’m sad, but you can think of these columns as like being attacked by a dead sheep. You’re going to be okay.

Meanwhile, I understand the new football complex in Berryville cost – English only, please – Dollar Sign four comma zero zero zero comma zero zero zero. Or maybe it was only Dollar Sign two comma zero zero zero comma zero zero zero. Either way, there can’t be any money left to piddle away on radical Arab nonsense, including that danged terrorist Al Gebra.

Speaking of dead sheep, how about those Democrats? I realize they’re terribly busy investigating, summoning, gavel banging and, in the words of Bill Clinton, “feeling our pain,” but do you think they’ll ever get around to legislating? I realize they’ve got a lot on their plate, but still…

At least we know what Republicans stand for. They believe that marriage is between a man and a series of much younger women. They’re against free trade and for deficits, federal borrowing, and playing kissy-face with Russian dictators. Any law that costs multi-millionaires and billionaires money is Socialism, and undocumented immigrants are drug-crazed criminals unless they work in Trump owned hotels. Birth control evil! Viagra good!

Have I missed anything? I’m sure it doesn’t matter. It’s summertime, the rain’s gonna stop soon, and the dog wants to go for a walk. Have a good week.


  1. It is interesting to me that when we help the least it becomes Socialism. But when we subsidize business lunches, travel expenses, lodging, health care, retirement…, it is good business and is a stimulus to the economy. When it comes to the least of us, we limit eligibility for benefits to a specific amount of income. Hovering around poverty level. However to our more notable group, there is no limit. Just as a conversation starter, if for instance’ we need to subsidize our more prominent citizens meals, wouldn’t it seem more “fair” to issue them the same food stamp card? If there is a problem for them to achieve the nutrition they deserve at $4 a meal, They might consider sack lunches. Question, Is there an amount of money that a person would make per year and and receive No subsidies? I have polled the guys that work with me and they seem to have an amount in mind….

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