Fine Line Like Fine Wine
When concluding one’s shopping at Wallie-World, I think the average shopper’s instinct is to head for the shortest checkout line, the theory being the shorter the line, the sooner I get out of here. But I’d like to propose that this theory is (a) faulty, and (b) overlooks the joys of variety being the spice of life in human affairs.
It is my contention that if you want to make the most of your Walmart experience, you should select your checkout counter the way you might select a fine wine. Consider the subtleties of the personalities and the nuance of method each employs.
There’s the clerk who loves to talk, hence spends quality time with each customer, chatting while gradually sliding items over the scanner. Bleep … chat … bleep… chat … If you’re in the mood for friendship, get in this gal’s line. But do understand, even if this is the shortest line, you will not necessarily get out of the store any faster than customers at other counters.
Another cashier picks over the shopper’s groceries in order to pack like items together. First, she gets all the cans and puts them in a bag—and double bags them. Then frozen food—selecting these items according to shape, placing them in the bag like a Tetris game.
All the packages of seasonal holiday candy go together. This method is delightful for ease of unpacking when you get home. If you get in this line, and you’re in a hurry, sort your groceries accordingly when you put them on the conveyer belt. Otherwise, the clerk has to take time to swish them around to find the things that go together.
Some clerks use separate bags for animal products, non-edibles, dairy, veggies, what-have you—so you leave with a storm of plastic bags. If you’re short on plastic bags, or if you live in fear that your hamburger will be contaminated while riding home with a package of lightbulbs, get in one of these lines.
Others are more conservative with the release of poison plastic into the world at large and pack each bag to the hilt. This makes the bags heavy, but the universe thanks us.
My late husband used to enjoy one particular clerk with whom he could chat about the Giants, a baseball team they both followed. It was through these conversations that my sweetie learned there was a lot more to this cashier’s history than working at Walmart. Humanizing your check-out personnel seems like it might be healthy for society at large.
In fact, I never use the self-checkout. Not only do I fear something going wrong and then I’ll be holding up the line, but if all of us used the self-check-out, there would be fewer jobs. And some of these real people need these jobs.
Some cashiers display no personality at all. They just swipe the groceries as they come—stuffing them into bags likewise— and don’t speak unless spoken to. Your bananas might be blackening beneath four cans of dog food, but, indeed, you’ll get home quickly.
Now, sometimes if you get in the longest line, you will be invited to be the first in a new line, when a supervisor commands the opening of an additional check-out counter. When that happens, it makes you feel like royalty. But it’s a gamble.
Whichever line you get in, it’s important not to grumble. Unity among those standing at checkout counters makes everybody’s day go more smoothly. And if you’re not grumbling, you can better digest the fine wine subtleties of all the people around you.