Eureka Springs resident Suzie Bell took care of her mother for several years. “When you’re dealing with dementia you have to have boatloads of patience, because you’re going to get asked the same question a million times,” she said. “And you have to treat it like it’s brand-new information. In other words, don’t say, ‘Mom, I just told you.’ You have to give them dignity. You don’t want to make them feel bad. Remember it’s a disease. That’s a precious relative that you love.”
Bell recalls, “I took her car away. She got mad at me and then she’d forget it. And then she’d get mad again.” Bell noted how frightening it must be for the patient to have problems with orientation and basic thinking.
Another Carroll County resident, retired Clinical Research Specialist Lemia Laval, cared for her mother with dementia. According to Laval, “She wasn’t expected to last another three weeks, but she ended up living another three years.” Laval pointed out that, among other things, checking personal hygiene is important, and that while the person may be dressed perfectly, bathing, oral care, or toilet habits may have been neglected. Laval also noted that checking for medical conditions is essential. Her mother at one point appeared to be declining more quickly. Had she not insisted on further testing, a severe urinary tract infection that was causing additional mental fogginess would have gone undiagnosed. “People, including some physicians, are very quick at a certain age to assume it’s all just the dementia,” Laval said.
Ways to cope with mental decline
Millions of United States residents suffer dementia. How we care for those people depends on the stage and severity of the illness, ability of family members to provide in-home care, medical insurance coverage and in what state those folks live.
Early-stage dementia does not require intensive assistance, but help is needed. The person may need help keeping appointments, paying bills, keeping track of medications, and transportation.
Late-stage dementia usually requires professional assistance outside of the home. Residential placement is varied. There are at least seven memory care facilities in Arkansas that specialize in providing care to individuals with dementia, emphasizing safety and emotional well-being. They help prevent patients becoming lost or having difficulty finding their way around.
The average monthly cost of a memory care facility is around $4,000, and insurance coverage is not guaranteed. Medicare doesn’t cover long-term residential memory care. Medicaid likewise doesn’t cover it. Some patients use private insurance or financial assistance from a family member to stay at such a facility.
The most common placement for late-stage dementia patients is in a nursing home. Arkansas has more than 225 nursing homes, and Medicaid is usually needed for continued residence. Nursing homes are not the same as memory care facilities. Check with senioradviser.com or bbb.org before choosing a nursing home. The cost for nursing home care in Arkansas ranges between $3,300 and $6,630.
In the middle stage of dementia, family or other personal assistance is required. For many people in the middle or even late stages of dementia, there will be no memory center, nursing home or assisted living center because they have a family who can assist them either in the patient’s own home or their home. Either has significant challenges. Suggestions for caring for a family member with dementia are published by the Family Caregiver Alliance, the Alzheimer’s Association, and other support groups.
One vital skill set is communication. It’s recommended to make sure you have the person’s attention by limiting distractions and noise. Use their name. Physical touch helps. Simple words and sentences keep the message clear. Keep questions simple, with yes or no answers when possible. Use simple choices as in, “Would you like to wear your pink shirt or the blue one today?” Avoid pronouns when talking about others; use names instead. Breaking down activities into smaller steps is important. Use visual cues, when possible, to help make thing easy. Reminders should be useful and positive, not critical.
Managing emotional and behavioral issues is another major focus. Use distraction and redirection to overcome frustration and agitation; saying things like, “I see you’re feeling upset. Let’s go outside for a few minutes” can be a good strategy. Look at body language and non-verbal cues to gauge frustration or mood shifts. Listen with your heart and intuition. A sense of humor helps. Always use affection and reassurance. Let stories about the old days be a part of your loved one’s coping behavior. There’s comfort in remembering the past.
Care for the caregiver is essential. Ask others for help and get in contact with local support groups or build your support team in advance. Try not to take things personally. You may hear unpleasant things from your loved ones, but remember, it’s part of their disease.