@elizabethisruined: Tweets are actually just brain selfies.
@designersays: Unlike the British or Australian spelling for colour/flavour/neighbour, the Americans don’t include u because it’s all about them.
@senderblock23: The letter Q is an O smoking a cig. So cool.
@swiftenhaal: On the bright side, smoking cigarettes reduces the risk of winning a marathon.
@paxochka: Judging by my handwriting possible future career choices include doctor or kindergartner.
@samalmightysam: I like to cry sometimes so people think I know how to chop onions.
@garyjanetti: I wouldn’t want to live forever. I don’t even want to stay at a party past nine.
@tyshultz: Found some chips in the bag of air I just bought.
@damienfahey: A Facebook friend just used the same number of exclamation points to say he’s eating guacamole as he did to announce the birth of his kid.
@flyoverjoel: It’s quaint when a company publishes a fax number on their website’s contact page. It’s like finding a Walkman at a flea market.