The Pursuit of Happiness

By Dan Krotz – I told someone to perform an intimate and anatomically difficult act last fall. It has been at least a couple of decades since I’ve opted to use that most efficient and direct form of communication; sadly, it made no impression, and the only consequential outcome was my feeling regret at wasting time and social capital on such an incorrigible object.

It’s a wonderful and efficacious thing to learn by study and observation, but life is lived, and we know that some people, organizations, towns, and countries only learn through personal experience. It’s possible the United States has become one of those countries, and that a plurality of its people can only learn by doing. It does no good to share facts or studied observations with them; commanding them to perform intimate and anatomically difficult acts is futile. Some folks just need to experience what they’ve asked for.

For example, when we deport 11,000,000 illegal aliens we’ll learn how eager American citizens are to grasp all the new opportunities that become available in agriculture. We’ll experience firsthand the delight of eating carrots and apples and poles of beans picked by our friends and neighbors.

The coal industry has been going out of business for forty years; let us stand back and rejoice at the Appalachian Renascence we’re told is close at hand; let’s watch miners dig, toil, and make big, non-union bucks. Really, folks. Just wait for it.

Goodbye, Obamacare. Instead, let’s celebrate and renew our trust in pharmaceutical, insurance, and healthcare companies as they embrace competition in an unregulated free market. Count the benefits, America, and be well!

Let’s exult in new and modern infrastructure that costs nothing except small change: toll roads and pay toilets pave the way to full employment… and everytime we drag a nickel out of our pockets, we’ll learn another life lesson.

And Democrats, no anatomical lesson is suggested or implied. By all means, continue to embrace the legacy of Bill Clinton, the man Libertarian Allen Greenspan called “the best Republican in the White House in recent memory.” Don’t worry about learning anything. The only thing you have to lose are elections.