The Search for Social Equilibrium
(Part 2)
While historically unflattering portrayals of Blacks in films insidiously instilled messages about people’s proper place based on race, American girls—at least white girls—had their fair share of the TV and movie market teaching them appropriate gender roles.
A Leave-it-to-Beaver mom—a housewife who could be smart enough to manage the grocery budget and solve the mystery of how to fold a fitted sheet—was not to get any wild ideas about a career. Women with careers were suspect. Probably vicious. Certainly of questionable morals.
Women were (and in some circles still are) considered uppity when asking intelligent questions or pointing out discrepancies. Stereotypes encouraged women to play dumb to keep the peace. And I can tell you— if you play dumb long enough, you lose your edge. You forget how to assert yourself.
Standing up for one’s children was brave. Standing up for oneself was bitchy. If a man got tired of family life and left, it was bad. But understandable. If a woman left her family, she was deranged. Unnatural. Something to be feared. Maybe even institutionalized.
Gradually it became more acceptable for a woman to hold a job—as long as she continued to cook and clean and be the primary caregiver for the offspring. Men—both in and out of the movies—were confused when asked to make their own sandwich or change a diaper.
I did have a career. I made more money than my husband. And he did the bulk of the shopping and cooking. Still, even in the 21st century, people were surprised and commented on our “role reversal.”
Most Americans still slot people into male or female roles before getting to know them any further. The first words asked about a baby are “boy or girl?” Some expectant parents even specify which gender they want. This desiring of one gender over another suggests a presupposition as to how a human being will (or should) behave based on sex.
In the 1990s I lived and worked at a large Native American boarding school for grades 9 through 12, where an underground community of gay boys had to suppress the desire to overtly express their sexuality lest they be pummeled by some macho straight boys. By the turn of the century, with the help of enlightened counseling staff, the campus became a safer place for those with male anatomy who expressed feminine attributes in their outward appearance. Tolerance was not absolute, but the campus became a more peaceful place overall.
Here was evidence that peace is possible. That no matter where you fall on the spectrum of judging people by gender, you can take a step toward truce. The same is true, of course, for racial prejudice.
If each of us, in the New Year, examines where we are on the continuum of racial and gender bias and resolves to take the next step toward unity, whether that means eliminating the word “faggot” from our angry vocabulary, accepting that the new baby’s gender dictates nothing about who that child will ultimately be, or taking calming belly breaths when our new co-worker’s skin tone differs from our own, we can inch humanity toward social equilibrium.
Because I, personally, believe silence is complicity, I resolve to gently point out when a friend or acquaintance employs words or actions that are unwittingly racist or sexist—and I will try very hard not to get defensive when someone kindly points to my own previously unrecognized contribution to the persistence of engrained racial or gender stereotypes.
Here’s to peace on earth, and good will toward humans.