In a surprise move that even shocked a couple of Republicans, President Trump announced there could be jail time for anyone who says “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas.” He also implied that any business displaying Happy Holiday signs could be heavily fined and warned of possible consequences for anyone using the short form Xmas instead of Christmas because it showed disrespect to the baby Jesus.
Speaking in front of the conservative watchdog group, “Christian Hypocrites Against Same-Sex Transgender Evil” (CHASTE), Trump made the announcement amid loud cheers.
“Everyone thought I was kidding about this Merry Christmas thing,” said Trump. “I think spending 24 hours locked in a jail cell will give people time to contemplate just how magnificent our Lord and Savior is.”
Critics were quick to chastise Trump and his decision, stating the same old, tired arguments about the separation of church and state and the First Amendment.
“This is just more red meat for his conservative, Christian base,” barked former Speaker Nancy Pelosi at a White House news conference. “There is no way the general American public will go along with this.” Pelosi was then reminded by Democratic Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer standing next to her at the podium about the Access Hollywood tape and the grabbing of women’s genitals, and with head bowed, she backed away from the microphone.
Vice President Pence, who last month failed to get the words “In God We Trust” changed to “In Jesus We Trust” on American currency, was delighted with the outcome and Paul Ryan who is usually mute and moot when it comes to anything Trump, tweeted praise.
Even maverick John McCain, a Republican thorn in Trump’s side, said it was time to put the Christ back in Christmas.
Trump ended the conservative event by reciting his favorite chapter and verse from the Bible then divided the packed crowd into three sections for a rousing musical round of “We Wish You A Merry Christmas.”