Ethan Avanzino, 35, recently became the first person profiled for a series, the Transgender Experience in Arkansas (TEA), on KUAF National Public Radio. With the U.S. Supreme Court having overturned a woman’s right to an abortion, right-wing groups are turning their attention to demonizing transgender people.
“The former president has repeatedly mocked transgender people during his campaign, using language about gender identity that LGBTQ+ advocates say is wrong and harmful,” AP reported recently. “Others in the GOP field have attacked transgender participation in athletics and proposed nationwide bans on affirming care for transgender minors.”
Ethan said the right-wing politicians need a scapegoat, someone to focus on so voters will ignore their failure to address the real needs of Americans to have good jobs, healthcare, safe schools and a high quality of life.
“They focus on one percent of the population versus 50 percent of the population, women, who have been denied their rights and access to healthcare,” Ethan said.
Participating in the TEA series was not without risk. Avanzino decided it was worth it because visibility is important for transgender people. There are not a lot of trans people who are out and visible. He said that leads to people making assumptions about transgender people that may be inaccurate.
“For me, what is important is to show folks that being trans is normal,” said Ethan, who works remotely for a major airline and co-owns the Wanderoo Lodge and Gravel Bar with his husband, David Avanzino. “I’m just here to live my life as best as I can. Run a business, be a loving husband, be a pet owner. My intention with the interview was to humanize the trans experience for people who may not realize they know a transgender person.”
Ethan grew up at a time when the term “transgender” wasn’t in widespread use. He said he was a tomboy, and not bullied by the kids he grew up with.
“The only people who did bully me were adults,” Ethan said. “As far as the kids in my class, I was accepted. From an early age, I asked my mom if I could be a boy. The closest thing she could do was let me play sports with the boys, hang out with male friends and dress like a boy. Doing those things felt normal to me. It wasn’t going against the grain to dress like a boy or play boy sports. That was what felt right.”
He recalls going to his best friend’s birthday party in the fifth grade. A kid who was new to the group said, “Ah, you invited a girl to the party.” But his guy friends said, “No, she is cool. She’s one of us.”
“End of discussion,” Ethan said. “We played video games, hung out and had fun like at any other ten-year-old boy party.
“I presented to the world as female, in the most comfortable way I could. I wore men’s clothes my entire life. I was often confused as being a lesbian, but I’ve always been attracted to men. My freshman year in college I read about transgender people. At that time, I was not prepared to transition. That just seemed overwhelming to me. So, while I knew that was who I was, the idea of transitioning was incomprehensible.
“It took seven years after that to really come to terms with not being able to live my life in a way that aligned with who I know myself to be. For me, it got to the point when the pain or fear of changing became greater than the change itself.”
Nine years ago, in 2015, he came out as transgender. He was inspired in part by the Caitlyn Jenner story. Ethan first came out to his mom and sister, who said they were surprised but not shocked. He traveled to see other family members to have as many conversations as possible before starting to transition. He didn’t want his relatives shocked when they saw him looking like a man.
How a transition turns out is not guaranteed; no one knows for sure how he or she will look. However, the gender changes often start to become noticeable at about three months into hormone treatments. Ethan came out at work in December because he wanted his co-workers to be clued in and have a physical reminder of what pronouns to use for him. Pronouns can be hard with people who have known a transgender person before transition.
One of the most common things he heard from co-workers is that he seemed much happier.
“I had been on anti-depressants for the majority of my adulthood. I was able to go off those,” he said.
Before moving to Eureka Springs, Ethan lived in major metropolitans. He lived in Dallas, which was a safe place. But he and his husband visited Eureka Springs for Diversity Weekend in 2018. “We fell in love with the beautiful nature, living in the mountains, and we loved that we could hold hands downtown, and no one was going to be too concerned about giving us an issue with that,” he said.
The Avanzinos bought a log cabin near Eureka Springs. When the pandemic hit, Ethan was told to work at home for two weeks. Two weeks turned into two months, which turned into being allowed to work remotely permanently. In December 2020, they bought the Wanderoo Lodge and Gravel Bar and relocated permanently to Eureka Springs.
David and Ethan had a courthouse wedding in 2018 and had discussed last names. Would they use a hyphenated name? One or the other?
“We didn’t really settle on anything,” Ethan said. “Then, about a month after our little courthouse wedding, David came home with a folded-up sheet of paper and handed it to me. What is this? I unfolded it, and it was a sheet of paper from the Social Security office showing he had changed his last name to mine. It meant a lot. I’ve always taken pride in my last name. When I was growing up, women did not give their last names to their husbands. I never thought that would be an option. That David would see the importance of that to me meant a lot.”
A podcast excerpt of Ethan’s interview can be found at KUAF’s Ozarks at Large The series was launched in late January with two episodes being released per month through May.
The Avanzinos host a Drag Brunch each Diversity Weekend with profits donated to a non-profit. About half the staff at the Wanderoo and Gravel Bar identify as LGBTQ+.
Not everyone’s family is as accepting as Ethan’s. Some young people who come out as LGBTQ+ are disowned by their families and kicked out of the house—even minors. David and Ethan started a nonprofit in 2018 called Safe to Be to provide housing for LQBTQ+ people who have been rejected by their families for coming out. Safe to Be is in the process of building a home in Eureka Springs.