My wife and I rarely kiss anymore. She avoids it by saying she has bad breath. She doesn’t and swears I don’t either. I miss it and think it plays a big part in our disconnection. Does kissing matter?
Absolutely. Kissing increases attachment and fortifies the bond between romantic partners. A decrease in kissing profoundly impacts connection in long-term romantic relationships.
Romantic kissing is far from universal and exists in only 46% of world cultures. Our culture however, whether platonic or romantic, is kissing obsessed: Seal it with a kiss. Kiss it goodbye. KISS, the band. Kiss Me Tender, the perfume. Kiss it and make it better. Kiss my — because I Kissed a Girl “…sittin’ in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.”
In addition to communicating affection, kissing provides a multitude of health benefits. Early research focused on the negative consequences of germ transfer, most notably mononucleosis, the “kissing disease.” Approximately 80 million bacteria are exchanged during a ten second “French kiss.” Ok, not so romantic.
Yet this exchange actually strengthens each partner’s immune system, boosting resistance to disease and decreasing responsiveness to skin and nasal allergies. Kissing reduces LDL cholesterol, blood pressure and the physiological response to stress.
In one study, couples who increased their kissing frequency reported that they exercised more, had fewer arguments, understood one another better, were more affectionate and more sexually active.
Psychologically, women attribute greater importance to kissing. For them, romantic kissing functions as an initial method of mate assessment, as well as a monitor of relationship wellness over the long haul.
Research (not stereotype) finds that men are most likely to engage in romantic kissing with one goal in mind. They’re more likely to initiate kissing before sex while women become more kissy after sex.
Women’s biggest complaint about men is they’re too aggressive, while men lament that women don’t open their mouths enough. Go figure. Number one downer for both – lack of variety.
Sex and kissing? A formidable pair. One steamy kiss can turn timid sexual tremors into tidal waves of passion, pronto.
Kissing is an adventure, not a goal. Gentle exploratory nips and nibbles around the neck and ears to begin. Brief visits to the lips to provoke anticipation and ignite desire. A hand behind the neck to express hunger.
Taste. Tantalize. Repeat.