We’re planning to marry this December – assuming I don’t strangle my fiancé and his mother first! He’s such a Mama’s boy, she’s involved in everything! How can this work?
Well, if you were just dating I’d say, “Run like hell!”
Moving on.
It’s endearing to hear men speak with admiration about their mothers. Men who have strong positive bonds with their mothers generally develop caring and respectful relationships with women throughout adulthood.
Yet, there are some adult men who relate Mother’s every opinion when socializing, consult Mother before making any decision and steadfastly hold Her in perpetual sainthood. This is different breed indeed.
Norman Bates aside, I’m not debating the benefits of strong family bonds. However, limits do apply.
Reforming a Mama’s Boy is serious business but it’s not yours. All you can do is diplomatically share your concerns with your fiancé about his relationship with his mother. He’ll be turbo-touchy on the subject so proceed with caution and don’t delude yourself. His response will probably disappoint you.
Be patient. Pressure from you will push him right back into mama’s ever-waiting loving arms. Until he’s willing to loosen his grip on those apron strings, between you and Mommy Dearest you don’t stand a chance.
Though he’ll initially be hard pressed to understand it, the survival of your future marriage truly does depend upon his ability to restructure, create boundaries and balance the mother-son relationship.
With every Mama’s Boy comes the Boy’s Mama. They’re easy to spot, speaking of their adult sons in infantilizing terms like “my sweet baby.” Controlling and meddlesome, she insinuates herself into all aspects of her son’s life. Any hint of a romantic relationship on the horizon strikes horror and she’ll become instantly wounded and jealous. For a Boy’s Mama, her son’s life is all about her.
Attention Mama’s Boys: only you can balance this relationship by Manning-Up and setting rock-solid boundaries. Relinquish the fear of losing your mother’s love, don’t depend on her financially, staying tangled in her aprons strings, refrain from comparing your wife to your mother and never remain mum around Mum. Verbally support your wife at every turn.
What if you neglect your boundaries? You’ll be right back at Mother’s watching Dancing with the Stars.
The problem being, your wife’s home in hot lingerie, game on and beer iced. Your choice.