My husband and I have talked this issue into the ground but neither of us is really sure where we stand. Is sex chatting, whether it’s talking or texting, considered cheating?
This is quite the debate actually, with public opinion falling almost equally on both sides. The controversy peaked when in-home Internet became the norm, but the issue remains very much unresolved. Sex and unresolved issues do go hand in hand, after all.
Gender plays a big role in this ongoing debate. While men view phone or chatroom sex as being comparable to viewing pornography, most women view chatting as cheating. In terms of gender generalizations this makes sense, as men are more focused on the physical aspect of sex while women focus more on the emotional component.
So is it simply self-pleasuring or is it marital mischief? That depends on a number of factors. Seventy-five percent of married people do not believe that visiting an adult website is problematic. It becomes problematic when kept secret or when an emotional connection develops with that outside party. In other words, mutual self-pleasuring during a sexually explicit phone conversation with an ex-girlfriend is inherently emotional and typically a secretive experience. Most consider this cheating.
On the other hand, voice or text sex chatting with an anonymous nymph providing a paid service for your recreational benefit is not much different than logging in to PornIQ to visit your curated, personalized video playlist in hi-def. Most would not consider this cheating.
Perhaps “interactive fantasy” better defines this method of solo-sex. Assured that no physical transgression can occur, the interactive yet anonymous component may soothe inhibitions and allow individuals to explore fantasies otherwise avoided.
The biggest concern for most couples is whether sex chatting leads to cheating. Keep in mind that maintaining a satisfying sexual relationship requires both partners to think and feel sexually. Sex leads to more sex. In a healthy relationship, solo-sex leads to more partnered sex. Sex chatting might even supplement a couple’s sexual relationship.
Whether sex chatting provides a sexual release or a boost in one’s sexual creativity, if no physical boundaries are crossed, it’s hard to call it a crime. In the absence of any personal connection, sex chatting will most likely lead to nothing more than a cigarette, a beer or a nap.